A Tale in 15

The tale of where I’ve been. Of the open streets that have been in the empty space in my mind. Make something of nothing, Stare at white and Love the black characters.

I remember — very strongly. What would happen if I didn’t edit myself in my writing? I remember this now. So, I do it. Then there was the belief that I would not write until I was authentic with myself and not afraid. This I have not achieved. Still, I wanted to write a tale in 15, see what that was like again.

But there’s nothing here. There’s nothing to gain. There’s no ocean when we have been driving to the beach. It’s a great disappointment that we can never punctuate our complaints because the beach is always supposed to be coming.

I don’t recall what the beach we are going to looks like.

I know. There is an effect I would have on you. That I would gain some acceptance with a word here or a word there, or that I would impress people in the way that only an impression can make a human of.

But this I realize is not possible. There is no acceptance of me. That would require that I am somehow not existent until someone else decides I should be.

Yes. The orange juice in the glass looks refreshing. You drink it down, but too fast, and you wonder what you will use to take your pills.

No.

There is a key in your hand, and it is opening a door. It being the key. The key is active and pulling your hand and twisting it. When it opens the door, it throws you aside and goes and takes a piss.

Once I dreamed that there was a situation in which I could not be observed from a distance. You see how I pine.

Today I found a beetle on my stove. I decided I would save it, so I tricked it into crawling into the dustpan. I have not said dustpan in a zillion years. I cannot tell if it is a word.

But the beetle. I took him and put him in a plant pot that had only dirt in it on the windowsill above the bathtub in my bathroom. The bathtub in my kitchen has no window.

The entire day passed. I worked. I texted. I got anxious. I thought. And I eventually had to stop all that and shower. When I went to the bathroom to clean the cat litter box and sweep the floor, I noticed the beetle trying to crawl up the wall of the bathtub.

Have you ever tried to crawl up the wall of a bathtub!? Don’t judge. This beetle was struggling. Worse, I knew I had done something stupid. I had put that beetle in a place that was unsafe. I needed to save the beetle again!

I tricked it again, and softly placed it very close to the window and opened the screen so it could go out if it wanted to. This may not be the best choice. I do not learn even though I know. But the beetle crawled into a dark space. That was different.

I will check on the beetle.